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Diary of Becoming a Princess – August 13 2026 – Boku no Tame ni.

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Yesterday power went off at night so i couldn’t do anything other than look at the ceiling in complete darkness until 2 am-ish and even thought i did have a desire to write the diary i didn’t really have any interesting topic to talk about for that day so i guess my usual fire wasn’t actually there, that and the fact that i didn’t want to write in complete darkness. The day the earthquake happened i was informed by our local friend group chat that most (if not all of them) didn’t have power in their homes after the incident but funnily enough i did have power and internet so as soon as i said “Not on my end” i received a call from one of them asking if they (and i mean them as in 3 people) could stop for a while at home to charge up some essentials and also get “work” done as most of them work for overseas companies. To my surprise they arrived barely 10 minutes later with a huge pack of snacks and beer which i found really funny since they said they where going to “work” but as they opened their laptops and i inquired about this “work and beer” company policies they told me that they thought that maybe their bosses where just going to give them the day off aaaand so they did so for the 4 hours they stayed at home about 3 off them where spent joking around talking about whatever came to mind.

Now i don’t actually like beer or any alcohol at all, whenever i had tried it it tasted horrible and left this annoying burning sensation that didn’t go away no matter what i did but if it where for just that then i wouldn’t have so much disdain for it. During my adolescence and early 20s (as with any other teenagers) most of my friends and colleagues where obsessed with alcohol to the point of absurdity and i never understood what the big deal was about it as, as i said before, it tasted terrible to me and the more i hung around people that thought that going to have a drink was a “fun” date the more i grew to hate it’s smell and the general non-atmosphere that drunkards emanate out of themselves but at some point during this constant circle of going out to hang with friends just for them to get shit-faced and me having to stand their drunkenness as i always refused to drink anything at all i would develop a weird kind of phobia that stays with me even today.
I remember one day when my family was throwing a party at home during Christmas and after a while of talking to friends and family i went in for a cup of what i thought was soda in a drink dispenser but it turned out to be a container full to the brink of Sangría and somehow the drink went past my alcohol hating nose sensors and straight into my mouth, thankfully my alcohol hating taste buds where able to discern the foul taste of wine and coke in less than a second and so i ended up throwing it all up in an involuntary reaction. As this container was in a pretty open area everyone would turn to look at me weirded and grossed out at my reaction and i remember sensing deep inside of me the most clear and perfect feeling of “betrayal” I’ve felt up until then, couple that with the shame of having “make up a scene” in front of each of our guests and i ended up running out in desperation a bathroom upstairs and shutting myself out while sobbing all night. Again, i felt shame, i felt betrayed and most of all i felt like i was somewhere where i didn’t belonged, even if i was at home.

After that every time i would hang out with one of my alcohol drinking friends and they would get to the act of ingesting that icky juice and i smell any of it it would trigger in me this uncontrollable reaction of having to run away, no matter how hard i tried to contain it just the smell of it made my head fog up and so i ended up screaming and swearing at every person that crossed my way, at times the sickness came to me so quick and the reaction was so contrarian that i would literally throw up right then and there, it was awful and it made everyone that used to hang around me kinda hate me. I can’t blame them at all.

Later after my gender dysphoria and self hatred took over my life and i would go to see many mental health professionals the topic of my hatred for alcohol came to light and so i would discuss it with my doctors, i would tell them about the story said day at the party and most of them didn’t know what to make of it but one in particular was really curious about the thing and asked me to try and go even deeper in my memories in search for another time where alcohol or someone under the influence of alcohol may have harmed me in any way and at first i didn’t think there where any other moment in my life that fulfilled those so i ended up asking my mother about it and she immediately said “Oh, maybe it’s because of that thing that happened when you where 4” i of course didn’t remember that at all so i inquired about it and she told me that once when i was 4ish years old during another family party at the home pool my uncles where drinking alongside some of their friends and one of those friends got so drunk that he started throwing his friends into the pool, somehow i was there and somehow that man ended throwing me into the pool as well, thing is at that time i didn’t know how to swim so i ended up drowning for a while until someone noticed and took me out the water, my mother thinks that maybe the stink of alcohol out of that man may have caused a trauma in my head. And so i ended up telling the doctor about it and i also told them about how i didn’t really think that was the trigger for such things seeing as i didn’t really remember any of it happening at all but as soon as i told them and they agreed on the trauma part and so from that day on there’s this “Involuntary fight or flight reaction to the smell of, or taste of alcoholic beverages” in my medical records, guess i am a certified alcohol hater.

After a long time of work with my therapist and years and years of “exposure therapy” (finding a friend group that doesn’t drink at all in latam is actually impossible) i would finally be able to stand the smell molecules of alcohol getting near my nose without them triggering my fight or flight instinct or my “this thing is so yucky get it out of me” instinct of throwing up but even now in my mind i think that regardless of my medical conditions i just think that alcoholic beverages are about the dumbest thing there are in this planet, they taste bad, smell bad, make you lose control of yourself and quite literally destroy you from the inside out, so i can’t lie to you when i say that while those days of feeling like a complete social reject due to my condition felt like hell, this is the only part of me that i really don’t mind being there.

Thought of the Day

I really don’t get it, you put all of this extremely delicious looking stuff inside these cocktails just to ruin the whole thing with dumb juice? Worst part is, the alcohol is what makes it expensive as well, all around Ls with that.

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – August 08 2026 – Cry is over? (Festival Finale)

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Picking up from where i last leave it at, after sharing a moment with my lolita dressing friend where recommendations from both sides where tossed up like knifes in a knife deathmatch with knifes i once again went to Nattchan’s place to see what she was up to and lo and behold she was still really busy handling even more kids trying to get something out of the lottery at the Kingyo sukui, we don’t give a prize right away after the fish catch ’cause we don’t actually use real fish but toy fish instead although we use real rice paper scoops, so after the catch we make the contestant pull a paper from a lottery box to see if they won something, i would stand right besides her trying to help her a little bit with the explanation and stuff so i with my own eyes witnessed just how much people where trying and succeeding in the fish scooping but then failing miserably in the lottery part, i kid you not there was a streak of like 12 attempts that did even win a single keychain or something, in fact it was kinda funny to look at the table where the prizes where sitting and looking just how full it was even thought it was almost closing time already. Back then where i was in charge of the event i do remember few kids being unable to win anything out of the lottery box, most got keychains, posters, coloring books or things like that but the one i’ll remember the most was the grand prize, for the grand prize i was handled a really loud bell that i was supposed to ring if anyone was to pull it out, the prize was a fully paid semester of japanese classes at hikarien with some bonus discounts for the Marugoto books we use so it was actually a really good prize i think and i remember thinking about how improbable to pull that prize out was giving that the lottery box was so damn full of lower value prizes while also being behind the “skill” portion of scooping the fish so most of that day i would eye the bell while chatting with my stand neighbor thinking of just ringing the bell when someone won a prize even if a little better than a keychain.

But at around 3PM a kid would actually pull the grand prize and in that moment i grabbed the bell and rang it so hard while shouting “OOOATARIII” ’cause i thought i had to make it a bigger of a deal due to me ringing the bell for lower tier’d items that the force i put in it combined with the disgusting grip of my sweaty hands made the bell slip from me and go flying a couple of meters away, i was so damn embarrassed of it than i would end up apologizing to the people around the stand, thank god it didn’t hit anyone. After hearing my ruckus Yoshi would come to my stand, congratulate the kid and then instructed them to wait a little bit for him to explain what the grand prize was later at the office so after they leaved i look at Yoshi and said that it was a shame that the grand prize was won a little earlier than it would have been optimal for us and about of having to run a lottery stand without a grand prize and his response was really funny, he said (and i mean literally) “Well, shit happens”.

So while remembering my experience i couldn’t hold my laughter everytime Nattchan made someone pull the lottery paper out of the box with all of her joy and good vibes just for them to pull a blank paper again and again and again, when the number of people stabilized to a lower count and i didn’t feel useful there i went back to where Dan and Raf where positioned to ask them about the Obon Odori thing we all did at the end of the festival (it was 4:30pm and the event was supposed to end at 5pm) but other than the fact that it was going to happen they both didn’t know any other info about it but no long after that a japanese procession style of line came singing and shouting from the bottom of the stairs, it was A-chan, Neru, the new nikkei guy and the other guy that i didn’t know about being guided by Yoshi while they carried a big ceremonial chest thingy that they proceeded to put in the middle of the food court (as it was there where the improvised shrine was placed at) just for then for Yoshi to cut the noise and chaos from the room announcing the begging of the Bon Odori section, for that we all would organize the food court by removing the tables to make room for a circle of people to circle the shrine and dance to the real there present big ass taiko drum beats. Back then when the previous Hikarien director (the one that pushed me to become a teacher) was still here she would come up with the literally last minute improvised event and i remember that everyone in the food court tagged along in that idea and so we would end up making this large teacher circle around the shrine and then we all danced (real awkwardly) to the song and dance she would teach us right then and there, the dance she thought us is called the “Tanko Bushi” dance and the first round lasted around 2 minutes since she was teaching us all how to do it so for the second round all of the other people that would see the circle would also see the explanation and execution of the dance so even more people ended up dancing, i’m not an innate dancer at all (in fact i kinda hate it since dance implies being in synch with one’s body and since i actually hate mine it is really difficult for me) but i enjoyed it so damn much, it was actually magical seeing so many people dance to this dumb beat with those really funny sounding lyrics, add to that that most of us where really bad at dancing it so it was kind of a mess and everyone was laughing and having fun and so those following 5 minutes we danced where just full of joy and nothing else.

This time tho even if we did the same exact dance not as many people would join us in the first or second round but then Yoshi changed the song to the YMCA bon odori meme and since most people knew that one better the participants grew a little bit but still we weren’t able to replicate that magic of 3 years ago, shame. While dancing i would catch A-chan on the corner being all fidgety so i invited him to dance with us and he reluctantly agreed for a little bit ’cause “Idk man i’m just too shy about this stuff” so i leaved him be until later when the dance was over and i approached him and he would actually confess to me that he didn’t want to stand out ’cause he had seen in instagram stories that one of his exes was at the event and he REALLY didn’t want to meet her at all. Dude, that such a weak excuse, if you don’t want to dance then don’t do it but do you really leave your decision power on the hands of someone else that doesn’t care about you? dude.

After the event continued for a little while but the teachers and assistants where called to the 1st floor kitchen to have some drinks and snacks and at first i was reluctant to go but A-chan convinced me to so once again i would be the only un-happi’ed individual there so i stood out like a sore thumb, that’s when July, my very first (she was actually second but i’ll explain that at a later date) teacher would recognize me and so we started chatting about life and stuff, i remembered that when i was leaving hikarien she was fresh off having her second child (she had her first while she was teaching us so at some point she leaved that class to Hikarien’s director) so i asked her about her children and about how they where doing and she said “Oh you know they are fine and all but i’m having a hard time convincing my first to give japanese a go” and i was kinda confused about that statement since in my mind the last time i had seen that child they where barely a cub so in my curiousity i asked her about both their ages and she said “My oldest is 8 and my youngest is 3 now!” and then we would look at each other’s eye while we leaved a really long silence in between and at the end we would almost in synch say “Wow, time sure flies”.Now since she was one of the people in charge of the cooking workshops she was also the one in charge of the volunteer’s snacks and drinks and she ended up offering both to me but i ended up rejecting them ’cause i felt i didn’t deserve any more free food and specially since it was meant to be for the people that had worked all day with little to no rest, we would repeat the offer and rejection thingy for at least 4 times until Nattchan came to my side and grabbed both the sandwiches and Calpico drink and said “You should loosen up a bit” and started eating them. As everyone was eating and drinking and chatting with one another i would retire myself to the other side of the big group to regain myself a little bit since i’m really bad with crowds and for some reason Nattchan who had been following me since the sandwich thing came with me and we ended up looking at everyone and laughing at all the stupid things they where saying, after a while Nattchan out of nowhere said “You know… i actually saw my ex today, he saw me at the stand and decided to come by and say hi… just and just that” the topic came so out of left field that i didn’t actually have time to process it at all and so i just looked at her concerned and she saw me looking at her like that so she followed up with “Ah, sorry, it’s just that i had a really bad time when i was with him so even just seeing him and hearing him talk to me kinda ruined my moment” at that moment i figured she just wanted someone to vent to so i lent her my ear and interest by asking about her previous relationship and stuff, she told me about how that guy had been her first relationship at a time where she thought that no one would really care for her for some reason and so she ended up shouldering a lot of his baggage and abuse and tantrums. She told me about how she stayed with him for about 3 years in which at every chance she got of escaping it he would come up sobbing and begging for them to not break up while also blaming her for all of the bad moments between each other and at that moment i thought about my partner’s previous partner who (from what i’ve heard about from my partner) had been extremely similar to Nattchan’s, a manipulator type that used his position as the “Sensitive one” to pull their partners to do whatever they wanted. My partner told me about a time where her ex begged her to dress in an all Black attire for a funeral of one of his relatives, she hates wearing all back so after so much pushing from the guy she ended up conceding and at the day of the funeral they where the only two other people wearing anything black at all, at first i didn’t thought about this story as anything that bad since i thought about how it wasn’t all that weird for people to wear black to a funeral even in LATAM so i thought he was doing it as some show of respect or something buy then she told me that during the whole time they had been together he had begged her to wear black all the time and that he had just happened to find the perfect excuse to actually make her wear it and yeah, that’s low as hell, i hate people that use excuses like that to get what they want, they prey for moments like this to manipulate people in to doing their whim without even asking themselves if it means anything at all if they do it out of pity.

I chatted with Natcchan for a long while about relationships and about the scum of people like her ex and about her feelings of feeling like her moment of joy was being ruined just by seeing his face, i told her to get out of that mentality and to start thinking that if we all let people’s subconscious actions manipulate our emotions then we are doing way worse than before since she is not even in any kind of relationship with him now. Somehow people tend to vent their romantic frustrations to me and i’ve still to understand why, maybe it’s the fact that i always lend an microphone to anyone that wants to start an audio diary, i have a lot of interest for people and their stories, i love to know each and everyone’s perspectives and figure out inside my head why is the reason that they feel however they feel and find any way or form to help them at all, but with someone like Nattchan, someone i don’t usually talk at all outside of the Nikkeijin Kyoukai related events i don’t actually understand why they care to tell me stuff like this at all. Back then it also happened with Moon as she would extensively tell me about her current, past and future relationships and ask for my opinion and stuff like even after barely a month after getting to know each other and that’s something i’ve always wondered about myself, is there anything inside of me that makes people feel safe enough to lay bare to their emotions in chats with me? I’m a person with a ton of emotional baggage so i don’t really get it.

After that chat it was my time to go back home so i waved goodbye to each and everyone once again, Dan, Raf, A-chan, July, Yoshi, Mir (Lolita), Neru and the others and started heading to the exit but halfway through going out i thought about asking Nattchan to go have some coffe together as i was kinda worried about her but when i looked back at everyone back there in the kitchen having fun, sandwiches in hand and calpico spilled on the metallic tables i was hit with such a wave of nostalgia that i couldn’t bare to stare anymore and i ended up not saying anything. On one of my talks about their newly appointed teacherdom i would ask Dan about how did the idea for him to become a teacher came since he’s always seem to me like a shy and reserved person and what he told me would shake me a little bit, he said

Well it’s not like I’m really that interested in teaching, it’s just that after graduating i felt like if i just left it at that i would really miss being around here.

That phrase kept going back and forth in my mind with each step i made towards the exit.

Phrase of the Day.

There has always been in my heart the desire of knowing what others think of me, but recently I’ve been wondering why i haven’t felt the same about saying what i think of others.
I want to be the type to do both.

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – August 10 2026 – Romance.

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Sorry about the delay in my entries i haven’t had the energy to write during these past few days mainly because life gets in the way of people wanting to have fun expressing themselves, or should i say being in the aftermath of a fight between my boss (mother) and a coworker and having to scramble to not only piece each and every part of the unexplained organization process of some other person but also of just the type of work that handling each and every single aspect of running a luxury goods store, there has been days where (as i mentioned some entries ago) i have server as the delivery coordinator, delivery auxiliary, consultant and repair guy all at once and even if the complexity of the job is not that bad one has to have special attention to detail in order for these expensive things to arrive as intended to the customer but it is really sheer amount of stuff all at once that actually gets to my nerves, add to that that somehow i haven’t been able to sleep all that good recently so there has been days where I’m on 3 hours of sleep plus 3 cups of coffee sitting down in an office trying to decipher what x and y mean… it has been exhausting.

Anyways today i’ll be taking a break from the matsuri storyline both because there’s something that i recently saw that made me reflect on my views of love and it’s implications…also if you are wondering about the 7,4 earthquake that shook my city today well i can only tell you that me, my family and our home and shop are completely fine and currently i don’t know of anyone close to me that has been badly affected by the disaster. So i don’t want you to think of me like some type of indolent mofo just because i’m not really talking about any of that in this here diary, my heart is out for everyone that has been affected and i hope that brighter days may come for all of them as soon as possible.

During this past month i’ve been revisiting a cartoon series with my partner that i had only watched the first season (out of 6 that are available now) of right when it released and after that i would completely forget about it due to no one mentioning it ever and also due to me being completely disconnected about release schedules for that media, the series is named Summer Camp Island and as far as i remembered before doing a rewatch/continuing the series it was one of my favorite cartoons that had released in the past decade or so, the series revolves around two animal kids named Oscar the elephant and Hedgehog the… hedgehog and their adventures on an island of the Summer Camp sort that at first looks to be completely normal but then reveals to be a magical gathering spot for every single magical adjacent creature that has ever existed, there’s Musically based yetis, Witches, Werewolves, Aliens and everything in between, even most if not all of the “inanimate” objects in the island being actually sentient to some extend. The plot takes an episodic approach where every single episode either handles a deeply meaningful situation for a character, an exploration and explanation for something in the island or just simply funny magical jokery and good vibes. That last part i want to empathize since that’s what first attracted me to the series as it takes a really laid back, good vibes approach where every character (mostly) is so well meaning that it kinda grazes the limit in between a cozy chat with someone you love and an actual therapy session with well meaning a professional. I also want to empathize that “Someone you love” part as well, the protagonist duo of Oscar and Hedgehog have an extremely loving relationship that i really haven’t seen that much in media at all, they support each other heavily, share most of their troubles and happiness and are always saying caring words to each other at every moment they could say one, they even say “i love you” more than any other lead duo I’ve ever seen and that’s where the question of “do they actually feel romantic love towards each other?” comes rearing it’s head looking through a gap in the door trying to desperately catch a glimpse of a ship dynamic since they are a boy and a girl and of course everyone knows that a boy and a girl being so close to each other actually means romance and all (sarcasm).

In the pilot episode of the series main character Oscar is actually debating himself the possibility of him feeling things towards their good friend hedgehog but being a little heartbroken because the same day they start their lives at the summer camp she starts crushing on another more “mature” boy in the island and so Oscar starts feeling like he’s getting replaced by this cool new boy. While reading the series author blog that i just happened to find due to me searching for the main artist of Season 4’s first episode (If you only see one thing relating to this series please watch this episode, it’s amazing) i happened to come across a post where she talks about this topic of Oscar and Hedgehogs platonic relationship, turns out she based her relationship off a real one that she has with a fellow animator where they both supported each other during a time where they where far away from home trying to adjust to their new lives in America having moved from the UK and which relationship would be extremely platonic to the point of everyone thinking they would one day marry each other, but alas that didn’t end up happening at all and in fact it was that same person who she had the relationship with the one who married her and her current husband. She writes that when she wrote the pilot she would leave the usual trappings of a romance teenage love story take a hold of the story without actually thinking deeply about the duo’s relationship but after developing the story more she would actually see that the relationship she had written was so genuine and sincere that there was no doubt in her mind that they where just the bestest of friends and that’s where she introduces the topic i actually wanted to talk about, she writes:

Although I would argue friendship is very romantic. My friend once told me that she likes to think of her friendships as tiny romances – you go out on dates, you take care of each other, you make each other laugh, you make each other soup…It helped me realize during a period of singledom, that an evening with one of my friends could feel just as warm, comforting and firey as it might with a romantic interest, and I didn’t need to rush to fill a hole in my life, as there wasn’t one there.

And after giving it some thought… i agree so much. There is definitely a romantic aspect to a very good friendship that is actually really hard to discern due to the sentiment being so obtuse and hard to actually see in motion, expressions of love do not actually make exceptions for moments or people, love is just love and what differentiates the kinds of love it’s nothing more than the amount and frequency of it. There has been so many times where i have been with someone i really really love and i have been so preoccupied with myself trying to decipher if what I’m feeling is romantic or platonic and that has made me reluctant to give more love than i would otherwise do. The thing is that, that sentiment of wanting to love and keeping oneself back from doing it comes from the general consensus that our world has given to romantic love as the exclusive feeling that couples have. What i actually think now is that romantic love it’s just a special different kind of love that it’s cultivated and grows directly from those tiny romances that live inside our relationships. That ideal type of romance, as is every other type of feeling, is developed and nurtured rather it just simply appearing our of nowhere and what that entails is that inside every single friendship we cultivate there are little sprouts of romance that we have the option to cultivate. It should be obvious to everyone since the requirements for a really good friendship and for romantic love comes from the same place, that you actually like each other in the first place.

Thinking about this has made me realize just how much love i have for most of the people in my life and has made me re-contextualize most of my love related troubles that i had already discussed over here in this diary, it made me appreciate my current relationship as something really special and it made me realize that what i feel for most of the people i have talked about is not me being confused as hell as to what to think about them but rather it’s just poor little me having way too many amazing people in my life that for the life of me i cannot be satisfied with not loving. I feel that the romance of going out on dates, of caring for each other, of making each other laugh and of making each other soup should be cherished as the little sprouts they are instead of being disguised as anything other than that.

Some little fan art i did back when i first watched the show’s first season.
I also made a wallpaper for my phone.

Quote of the Day

“Oscar thinks you’re the coolest person in the world. He said it out loud when he thought he was alone.”

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – August 06 2026 – Hysteric Sniper (Festival Part 3).

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Yesterday was kind of a heavy day full of frustration both at work and since i work with my family, at home as well, but i don’t really want to dwell into that situation much today but as of today’s update it seems like our assistant is coming back (once again), we all had a conversation together over the phone and somehow convinced them to have an on store meeting so we all can discuss some new terms and stipulations regarding their work and workload… so there’s that, i’ll continue with the somehow turned three parter.

So there i was, just your normal commoner wearing a The Beatles t-shirt standing right besides two folk wearing the full on festival armor consisting of a dark blue happi and ramen tenchou bandana, speaking full on japanese while customers arrive and got served some food, mainly Oshizushi, Korokke, Karaage, Yakisoba, Takoyaki and also a fine selection (heh) of your typical japanese adjacent festival sweets like Dorayaki, Taiyaki, Mochi and Dango… that last one… i’ve never tried dango before but of course i’ve tried mochiko so i didn’t really feel all that interested in trying it until one day i was listening to a touhou fan-song about two characters that come from the moon and both of them have their own Dango store and so they are rivals and in the song there’s this funny thing where they make the ancient joke of “Sanshoku dango ni wa Haru to Fuyu to Natsu ga aru, wakaru ne okyakusan? Odango wa akinai!” (Too long of an explanation, look it up on google if you don’t understand) and ever since i’ve been wanting to try them out just to see how much does the taste of mochiko changes from recipe to recipe and on the previous day of the event i had seen some posts on the Nikkeijin Kyoukai promoting the festival where it said that this time around there was also going to be your typical 4 balled sticked dango in the food selection so i kinda got hyped about it. After a while of chatting with Dan and Raf i was looking around seeing if i would catch a glimpse of said dango but i couldn’t find it so i thought that maybe they had it in a fridge or something so right when i was about to go to the food ticked counter to see if i could get one Dan would noticed my curiosity and asked me what i was looking at and so i told him about me being kinda hyped to get some dango and that’s when they both looked at each other and said: “Dango…Soto…that’s a myth” “Did you saw those posts saying there was going to be Dango at the festival? ’cause i didn’t, you know what, try to search it up again see what comes out” and after a minute of me searching for the post i just couldn’t find it at all. “You see? It’s a myth” they said… Man i was so disappointed, in this cruel world of horrible stuff one of the only things that get me really hyped up is traditional japanese wagashi, i find that it’s taste its so different to what i’m used to here in this side of the earth and preparation and presentation and the amount of work that goes into designing each and every aspect of those sweets so that they resemble really abstract things like japanese hollidays, the changing of seasons or just simply molding them into various fun shapes it’s so god damn cool! Man i wished we had that type of culture over here as well, i know our sweets and dishes also have deep and interesting history behind them but the fact that traditional wagashi is designed rather than just existing marks a really big difference in my eyes. Man that day was full of disappointing stuff.

After a while of just being there chatting they both would start to notice that the food was running out with no replacement in sight Raf would go back to where the kitchen staff was to ask if there was going to be more batches of food but after they confirmed that they had basically ran out of stuff (it was around 4:00 pm so it made sense) Raf would nod to Dan and then they started joking like “There’s only 2 karaage left, man we can’t sell this, it’s advertised as 3 pieces a ticket! What are we going to do?” and they would serve the remaining karaage on a plate, put some okonomiyaki sauce besides it and then proceeded to present it to me aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand since i rarely eat lunch at all and i was feeling kinda hangy from the stress earlier at noon welp i just couldn’t say no, so there i was eating a plate of kaarage that later was replaced with oshizushi and then later with some gyoza behind stading right behind the food stand while they both where handling the people that wanted to eat the stuff that had sold out, it was pretty funny and i also got the food for free so yay!

After that i waved goodbye to both because i wanted to have a look around some of the artist alley stands in search for something interesting and while looking at your pretty usual Con related goods i would come across the stand of one of my good BL lover friends Encontra_dos!, they are a really talented artist that used to study at hikarien during the time i was in my last year and we met each other on one the events they organized where we tried MANY different kinds of japanese traditional games and things, we ended up talking about BL somehow (i don’t really remember how) but ever since we’ve developed this strange tradition of talking about the things we’ve read since the last time we saw each other (you know since i don’t really text anyone we only talk to each other whenever we see irl), last time i volunteered at the festival they also had an artist stand and they where selling prints and stickers and a graphic novel they wrote and at that time we talked about Project Sekai since i’ve seen some art of Tenma Tsukasa in their insta but they didn’t really had any print related to it, this time the stand was full of Project Sekai related fanart feature their favourite ship from the game Ruikasa. On a really interesting coincidence my partner is also a really devoted fan of Tsukasa-kun while also a proud Ruikasa ship navigator, so after talking a little bit with them i ended up buying two prints feature the whole Wonderlands X Showtime group and another one featuring Tsukasa-kun alone for my partner, after that and some light sharing of complaining about the heat (The AC was on but it still felt like 30C) i waved goodbye trying to keep on my mission of finding Yoshi.

Here’s the prints i got, this are sooo cuteeee she is so talenteeeeed aaaaaa.

I headed once again to the second floor ’cause i figure if i waited long enough in the teacher’s room Yoshi would appear rather sooner than later so grace-ly avoided the dude guarding the gate (again) and went straight to the library that is located right besides the teacher’s room and right as i was about to open the door to it another face that i recognize would show itself, this time it was Yuan, another of my under classmates and eventually also student (I helped them with some N3 related stuff), also they are the other “disciple” under Mari-sensei’s wing and also a pretty devout presence in the Conversation Club so we’ve had our fair share of really long conversations and since it hadn’t been THAT long since we’ve talked (about a year) this time there was none of that HISASHIB- you know the rest. However they did fill me a little on the conversation about Mari-sensei’s whole retiring work, nothing really that out of the ordinary but they did mentioned that she was starting to feel her age come up to her so she was starting to pay more attention to their own health, i remember back then when i was more active in hikarien that she would often complain about her feet hurting after not sitting for a while and that she had seen a podiatrist that made her change about half of their shoe pairs. While talking about it Yuan also showered me with the incredible news that… they would also become a teacher starting next semester, how unique right? hahahaha no but for real this one was the one that i had expected to actually become a teacher since as i said before Mari-sensei treated them as their other star pupil although they are still pretty young (I think they are currently 19) but still i thought that it was still a little bit early for them, and turns out they did felt the same as well. They asked me about my experience as a teacher and that they where worried about being put in charge of the children class since they feel they are a really dull person and would end up boring those poor kids to hell and i got reminded of myself and of the time i was acting as an assistant to the then children’s course main teacher and i witnessed their creativity and ability to quickly get close to the kids and i thought “damn i’m gonna have a really bad time, my social skills are nowhere near this level” and stuff so i felt Yuans worries exactly as i did mine back then but before i could say anything back to them by the entrance right behind me the commanding presence of a stressed out misaligned festival manager would heed forth looking for a glass of water (the teacher’s room also has a kitchen), said presence would take about 2 seconds to recognize me and after one more second of analyzing the situation said: “Soto-sensei… looking like a rock star” thing that i had forgot to tell yall A-chan did as well and i found the fact that they both had the same reaction REALLY funny… so, i had finally found Yoshi, or rather Yoshi had finally found me?.

My conversation with Yoshi was quite a short one since they seemed really busy and even he wasn’t i also didn’t want to steal some of their precious resting time so we talked about hikarien’s current student count and of my surprise that most of previously student army was now becoming a teacher army and i complimented them in their handling of Hikarien’s affair ever since the resignation of the previous director and that’s when Yoshi look at me, smiled and said something that i wasn’t expecting: “You know, your seat its still open if you ever want to return, Hikarien’s doors are always open for you”, last time i went to Hikarien (During the whole El Sebas thingy) Yoshi said something really similar to me but this time it felt kinda different, Yoshi took the time to actually say it in a really beautiful Keigo way that made it sound more profound that it was so it kinda got to me a little bit, i didn’t cry but you bet i wished i could’ve. After that someone else that i didn’t recognized came looking for Yoshi and so my short meeting with them had ended, so i waved goodbye to Yuan and went back to the third floor to see if i could help in any shape or form, since i was kinda bothering everyone in that building i thought that i had to return the favor to them but making myself useful but aside from helping move some chairs and tables every volunteer already had their job well covered so there wasn’t much that i could help at, so i went to the drink bar looking for something cold as the temperature was doing a hell of a good job of resembling the japanese summer and that’s where i met someone else i recognized, this time it was the Lolita wearing friend i told yall about back when the El Sebas incident (i’m gonna call it like that from now on hahahaha), of course she was wearing really cute clothes but this time more adjacent to the ryousangata style than the lolita (it was hot as hell so i don’t blame her), i noticed her moving what seemed like a really heavy ice container so i went to offer her help and she recognized me immediately, “Ohhhh Soto-sensei! Ohisashiburi desu” she said, and after sharing some greetings she accepted my help and we ended up carrying the container together while doing life updates and the sorts, that’s when she told me that starting next sem….nah i’m kidding, out of the previous Hikarien students that i knew i think she was the only one that didn’t say anything about becoming a teacher but as i was curious about it and already conditioned to think it that way i did asked her but she said that she was now entering her fourth year in college and so she didn’t really have time for it but that she wished she had the time to do it since she loves attending Hikarien (that’s the reason she is still volunteering even having graduated long ago). I complimented her clothes and make-up (she really does a really good job with it, it looks extremely natural yet visually interesting) and then the conversation went into fangirling about the latest Ank Rouge hahahaha, then i mentioned that i thought that it was really cool that she is still dressing the way she likes even in that cultural and climate heat and she said that when she started attending college she used to dress up more but as time passed she felt like dressing up so much for college was kinda ehh and she started feeling kinda weird about it, i didn’t know what she was majoring in so asked and she said “Mechanical Engineering” and we both laughed. But after thinking about it for a while i said “Don’t you think a Lolita engineer sounds really cool?” and she looked at me for a while and said “You are right, i should dress up more”. After that we had a chat about music, turns out she is a really BIG fan of the old style Visual-kei scene (specially the horror adjacent ones) and since that a blind spot i’ve had for years in my music (i just know L’arc en ciel and Buck tick) i ended up getting some recommendations from her.

Continued on part 4

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – August 04 2026 – Niji wo Sagashi ni Yukou (Festival Part 2).

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Continuing from where we left off, crestfallen by the sudden unexpected news of two of my favourite people not being here (in town) anymore i waddled my way into the second floor of the building where Hikarien is actually located, the setup consist of a metallic gate that acts as a “divider” between classrooms, social area, reception, library and teacher’s room, one day while Mari-sensei was talking about how Hikarien itself was conceived as “A piece of japan outside of japan” by the person who started it all way back then, the founder had the necessity of having to teach Nikkei children of their heritage, language and home customs so she thought of it as the “immersive” place that she needed for the job. When i graduated, due to me and one other classmate being the official first graduates of the school (In the past people had finished their studies but at that time Hikarien didn’t actually have the necessary permits and documentation in order to be recognized as a government certified school, so after they got done with that whole process we where the “firsts” ones to graduate) we actually went to the at the time still alive house of the founder, we had a chat about our whole experience and then we took a photo, i’ll attach it here if i find it. Anyways, Hikarien was supossed to be that “piece of japan outside of japan” and that implied a ton of things that you wouldn’t really think about at first like having a complete Genkan (Japanese style building entrance) with Getabako (A shoe cubby) but as we live in a really rough country that set itself for a thiev that one day would rob some computers and… shoes, so they ended up closing it behind that metal division that i told you about.

The day of the festival we actually use those classrooms to host trial japanese language classes and japanese language discussion forums for a really cheap pay that are mostly packed and hosted by two teachers at once, so when i approached the metal gate and i noticed there was someone i didn’t recognize guarding the gate i thought i was going to have to wait for a while for someone to come out of the classrooms that i would recognize so i could enter without problem, so right as i was approaching the person guarding to ask about Yoshi’s whereabouts a one of the classrooms doors would open vomiting out A-chan in all of his funny presence, and of course it wouldn’t take more that a glance at where i was standing for him to be able to recognize me, then raising his voice saying “SOTO SENSEIIIII, HISASHIBURIIII” (I’m not kidding they all did the same) and so we would start chatting about the current standing of Hikarien, about the current mashup of students turned teachers and of the crazy antics of Moon that would end up getting them so far from the vicinity, apparently they had burned out a little bit with the whole teaching gig so they thought about just taking a break by going to the deepest parts of colombia just to experience what livelihood is like over there (A-chan also told me that Moon had told him that they where already considering moving back, so i hope i can see them once again). After that another teacher i wouldn’t recognized at all would appear from out of nowhere, grab A-chan by his ears (Literally) and said “Dude, next class is starting in 5 minutes, we gotta get ready” and so i waved A-chan goodbye while he was getting kidnapped by the famous japanese Yokai known as “Job”.

Just then, looking as i was already in Hikarien free to do whatever i wanted i went down the corridor to where my old classroom was situated and i found it to be almost exactly the same as i had left it, the only difference was that, as i was teaching children, we would often hang things in the cork boards by the walls of the room with little reminders of words, group projects about many different things like “Self introduction posters”, “Places we would like to visit one day” and Vocaloid related imagery (Two of my students where really big fans of Project Sekai so they would take whatever opportunity to hang related stuff to it), but as i detailed the walls and desks and even the on-class material i would find out that even if it all had the same shape, same topics and same format, the content was completely different to what we had left there, now it was all dedicated to kids i wouldn’t recognize and somehow that didn’t really make me sad at all, i admit that i had hoped for it all to had been immutable to the passing of time but my feelings of happiness for how the birth of someone’s experience was being built and how the process had left it’s marks on the walls just like i did back then and just as the person that preceded me also did way back before i had even touched the classroom…idk somehow that made me feel that we shared even the faintest of connections between us.

After that i went to the teacher’s classroom and i found no one there so i immediately pivoted to the third floor, Nikkeijin Kyoukai’s 3rd floor is a pretty big auditorium where we would host our end of semester ceremonies, local and national speech contest and other various japan related activities when we had the availability to use it due to it being often rented out for other people to host their own stuff, i remember once we had planned a Nagashi Soumen event complete with a bamboo pipe but somehow couldn’t secure the third floor for it so we routed the pipe through Hikarien’s narrow hallways and so we where all there cramped trying to catch soumen noodles with chopsticks, it was extremely fun so i guess it came out better than we had imagined… anyways during the event the third floor was dedicated to many outside vendors, artist alleys, food court (as there’s a pretty big auxiliary kitchen there too), an event platform and in the middle of it all a makeshift shrine that the students would build themselves in order to act the proper “matsuri” style, the food stand was located right in front of the entrance so it wouldn’t take long after i went through it for me to recognize the two tall as hell (1,85cm) dudes in charge of it, they were Dan and Raf, two of my under classmates who which i would often partake in pretty long chats with in Japanese in the hallways during the time before classes, between classes and after classes, we had where also pretty committed members of the Japanese Conversation Club that we held each Saturday at noon, even when i became a teacher and my schedule wouldn’t really align for me to participate in it from the begging i would still poke my head every once in a while just to comment on the stuff they where chatting about. So when seeing them both side by side being extremely funny due to their shared tallness i would approach them with the intention of play a prank on them posing as a really confused customer asking about the food but as soon as they saw me both of them went “OH! SOTO-SENPAI” (what a curveball heh) and i didn’t really expect them to recognize me so fast for some weird reason that only my brain can understand so it took a while of my stuttering for me to actually say something coherent to them to which Raf would joke “Maybe we got the wrong guy, his hair is way different now” and after laughing at each other for a while we would chat about… well you know, the same things i was asking everyone that day, How’s Hikarien hanging? How’s Yoshi? What happened to Moon and Mari-sensei? and so on to which Dan would respond by saying “I don’t really know about Moon but i saw Mari-sensei back at teacher’s training a few weeks ago” then he would go silent for a while to then say “Ah right, we both are becoming teachers as well”. Dude, it is as if everyone was waiting for me to go away in order for them to enlist in Hikarien’s army of way too many teacher for the amount of students army, thinking about it now i would have love to have worked with them not only because i consider both to be pretty interesting people (they are both way older than me but still treat me as their senpai) but because that way i would’ve had additional people to rely on when i felt i was extremely lost on my teaching plan and of my quality and efficacy of work, maybe we could have worked on it together or maybe they could have shared ideas and perspectives on how to make everyone feel that much more passion for the language as we where all feeling back then.

Looking back at that time, even if i wasn’t really all that alone in my process of comprehending the different methods on how to share knowledge to others without it all being reduced to just using my pretty horrible brute force-like methods for learning i did had a really hard time coming up with situations where i could even ask for help, the previous Hikarien director, Mio-san, was such a great educator that when the time came for her to leave the roll we would struggle to keep the pace on her work. The guy that was supposed to replace her even if he had a really good attitude about it ended up not being that good for the job (i would write about him and other people at a later date) so when he ended up resigning and all of the responsibility ended up falling into Yoshi’s hands who was not really versed into the whole administrative work of a school, not only that but that same year we had to renovate our government certification so i imagine the amount of work and stress Yoshi and his sub director had to go through was hellish as hell. That all happened a few months after i started teaching so i just couldn’t muster the strength to bother them with my stupid novice problems when they where so busy, same thing with Mari-sensei who had designed the really broad and not that useful work plan for my children’s course, i would ask her about it and she would reply with stuff like “You figure it out yourself, the plan its just a light guideline so you can shape it however you see fit”… THAT DOES NOT HELP ME AT ALL AAAAAAAAA… So, maybe if i had someone that was on the same position as me maybe all of the crazy stuff that we where going through would have been easier to handle.

Continued on Part 3.

Couldn’t find the photo but i found this rare picture of me smiling that an ex classmate took when i was volunteering.

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – August 03 2026 – Sumaato ni Goodbye – (Festival Part 1).

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So Friday night i had a “fight” with my Mother regarding the assistant’s now pretty much confirmed resignation, turns out they had already sent an email on the 28th but mistakenly they swapped the @hotmail to a @gmail so we didn’t get it until my father called them on that same day asking about what had happened. Long story short we ended up in a pretty big discussion regarding my mother’s way of bossing people and what we hope now is a set standard for dealing with firing people/they resigning their position.

That day i was also extremely on edge since as the next day, Saturday the 1st of August marks the beginning of the month and with it comes the big festival event that the Colombian Nikkeijin Kyoukai does alongside Hikarien, the all around town (city) famous “Benitako Matsuri”, the name comes from a survery they once did to Hikarien students asking about what type of “animal” and colour would they want for a school mascot of sorts and so they decided on an octopus (Tako) and the color Crimson (Beni), i heard that story about the even from A-chan (if yall remember who he is) but when i think about it, having been a hikarien student for at least 6 years at that time i just don’t remember a survey asking about that? I remember once that Mari-sensei (My mentor) asked me to design some type of mascot for Hikarien and i came up with Kumita’s and Asami’s designs. Kumita was based of the Tremarctos Ornatus, a species of bear that’s really common around here that is also one of the only indigenous species of bear to latin america and i mixed that idea with the most “ideal” type of language student there is, a studious individual that’s passionate about learning while also being sensible, understanding and willing to help others, his name of course comes from applying the spanish diminutive rules to the word for bear in Japanese, hence Kumita. Asami on the other hand was based of a Long Eared Rabbit as it is really popular around here as a pet, rabbits tend to be quite lazy creatures so i mixed that with the personality of your average japanese student, someone that’s passionate about the things they like but who every once in a while gets strayed along their language learning ways. Cool story right? They got rejected. To be real with you when i went to design it didn’t actually take that long for me to come down to something i thought was cute and represented what language learning in colombia meant but i took way too long to draw a kind of “promotional” image for the two of them so i went over the deadline a little bit… well anyway i got extremely side tracked from i was going to say, let me get back into it.

So Benitako Matsuri, Me, i wanted to go, bit nervous since i still carry the shame of having basically ran away from there but still i kept thinking of wanting to meet Mari-sensei and have a good talk with her, i also really wanted to see Moon since it had been a while since we’ve seen each other and i have immense affection for them, i also wanted to meet Nattchan and A-chan since i have really good memories of being with them on our teacher’s training and in the after school reunion we did almost every saturday, so i decided it was time for me to leave those fears that were reeling me back into my house behind and in that i ended up being set on going that day at around 12 pm, what i really wanted was to go at 8am since that’s the schedule for volunteers but since i haven’t said anything to Yoshi or the Nikkeijin Kyoukai director i thought it was kind of way too much for me. So come Saturday and i’m sitting at 1pm on the store typing my soul away as fast as i could trying to get some documents done that my sister had asked me to do for her and in that my mother would see me kind of stressed out and would sit next to me and ask about it, i told her about the event i wanted to attend to and how i was kinda late due to doing my sister a favor and she would look at me back and said something like “You know? I was thinking about our discussion yesterday and maybe the reason why i end up in these situations is because i don’t really know how to make other people understand what i mean, even you both (my sister and me) have told me that when I’m stressed it is really hard to understand what i’m trying to get you two to do” and i replied “Well you just need to express what you want concisely, you know one of the things that come with having some level of autism like me is not understanding what other people try to imply, sometimes when you tell me “pass me that thing” i get a really hard time figuring out what “that thing” is, so maybe you should just state it as clear as possible”. Then we proceeded to apologize to each other for last night’s quarrel and she ended up giving me the keys to the car so that i could reach the event in time, yay.

I arrived at the Nikkeijin Kyoukai at around 2:30 pm, i knew because of my past experiences being a volunteer that at 3pm it’s the time when people start arriving en masse so after parking i quickly went to the entrance where i would meet… 3 people i didn’t know at all managing the entrance fee and passing around leaflets, in the past this job was handled by Kachou-sensei and his students so i expected them to be there but alas, i didn’t really pay much attention to it as i assumed they had “upgraded their position” or something, so i payed my fee and went inside. The Nikkeijin Kyoukai is a building consisting of 5ish floors, first floor is a mix of reception/general office/kitchen(yes)/Chashitsu (Tea room) and during the festival it all was in service of Nikkeijin vendor stands, regular vendor stands, japanese cooking workshops and a kimono/yukata photoshoot in the Chashitsu, i scouted each and every corner of every hall i passed but i just didn’t see anyone i recognize at all until i went really close to the kitchen workshop where, to it’s side, i found Nattchan being in charge of the Kingyou Sukui (Goldfish Scooping) event which i found EXTREMELY funny since in the past i’ve been in charge of that event, i went closer to her hoping to cross her sight for a second while she was really busy talking to the customers but as soon as i came in her Metal Gear vision range she would call out for me, “SOTO SENSEIIIIII, HISASHIBURIIIII” she said in a loud voice and it kinda spooked me and the 3 kids scooping toy fish out of the pond, hahaha, she hadn’t changed at all besides having dyed some strands of hair so for me it was really nostalgic seeing her just as i had remembered (i forgot to tell you, it had been like 2 years since i’ve seen any of them so that’s the reason for my surprise) it was a different story for her since last time we say each other i had WAY shorter hair than i do now and of course that was the first thing she commented on. We spent some time catching up on life until i noticed i was kinda being a nuisance so i told her we should talk later when she’s finishing up her thing and as soon as i said that and i was waving goodbye, Neru, one of her students, would recognize me and would also shout “SOTO SENSEIIII, HISASHIBURIIII” which was REALLY unexpected for me since we didn’t really talk much while i was teaching at Hikarien and we barely talked to each other when we where part of volunteer groups, he was being accompanied by a Nikkei looking dude that i didn’t recognized so after having a little chat with Neru i introduced myself to him and we had a chat about him not being long in Colombia and how he had passed Yoshi’s interview in order for him to also become a teacher at Hikarien, i congratulated him and that’s when Neru said “You know, i’ll be a teacher too starting next semester”, and that had caught me so off guard that i didn’t even had time to process my kind of mean assumption that only the Nikkei guy had teacher’s aura. So i ended up talking with them about my time as a teacher at Hikarien emphasizing how fun it was to have a community of people that are interested in the language of Japanese not only because of Manga and Anime but also due to Japan’s culture, customs and their MANY MANY different types of art.

After that i asked Neru, since he was also pretty good friends with Moon, about their whereabouts and that when he told me something that would leave kinda of depressed for the rest of the day, he said “Moon? They are no longer here, they moved to Guajira (A region deep in the Colombian jungle), they have always been kind of a Hippie, you know?”. Duuuuudeeeeee i can’t believe that Moon wasn’t there, they where one of the people i wanted to see most and since i’m so bad at chatting (I’m the type of people that has a REALLY hard time sending a message to anyone since i always think i may be bothering them with my nonsense) i wanted to see them in person and have a chat about how has life been these years, looking at the direction of things i also asked Neru about Mari-sensei and he said “Mari-sensei is currently out of town in a training of sorts, since she’s really close to retiring age i think she’s preparing to do something before that” and just like that my day had kind of been ruined, of course i appreciate every single person at Hikarien but i SPECIFICALLY wanted to see Moon and Mari-sensei so having heard of both being far away made me a little sad, then i thought about just how cool and committed Mari-sensei is to the art of teaching that even when close to retiring age she still working on her “Let’s get the whole world to speak japanese” projects, she has always been a really deep influence on my way of thinking about teaching and about legacy and the baton passing of culture into future generations so hearing about it made me also proud of having been her student. Moon on the other hand has been an extremely free person for most of their life, you really wouldn’t think of them as someone who has the responsability of having a Child under their care (For better or for worse) but it’s that same free nature of theirs that makes everything they do and say feel extremely genuine and… idk true? it feels like everything that comes out their mouth comes directly from their heart and so i also admire them for that, a person with a really bright personality that even when they fuck up (and they do a lot) they won’t lay under the weight of defeat and instead would just rather get up, smile, joke about it and then continue to move on. I can never be like that and to be real i don’t really even want to but still it’s that truthfulness to themselves that makes me kind of envious of their smile.

Welp it’s late and i have to go now, i’ll keep writing about the event tomorrow, see ya then.

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – July 30 2026 – He Showed Me Around to Be Found Alone.

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Not much to comment on today, it’s been dawning on me just how much your typical 9-5 job takes away from one’s soul answering only with the miserable compensation that money provides, and i’m not really talking about me since i still have come home to draw, game, typeset the Yuka-chan and write this diary so i think i am pretty alright all things considered, but yesterday i had a conversation with my mother and sister once again about her, what i think is now safe to say, ex-boyfriend. She talked about the spots where she thinks she made blunders on but also about some of the reasons why she thinks the dude is doing what he is doing and during her explanation about how he said that he felt extremely pressured from all sides, both his parents are pretty strict people and also extremely religious people as well so they where pressuring him to quickly graduate from Uni using the almighty power of Jesus or something like that, he also has a job at a bank where until last time he told me anything about it he was receiving a pretty good paycheck from, and also he was struggling with his grades at uni as he was on the brink of failing some of his courses at it. Giving how he already had a good paying job and everything idk why this society is so obsessed with getting almost useless papers that tell you what you already know but still he felt pressured to do everything right and so my sister showed a little bit of her introspection by stating that maybe she did pressure him even more by wanting to have almost all of his attention span all by herself and whenever she didn’t get it she would get mad and stuff and so they would end up fighting about it.

In hearing that i couldn’t stop thinking about two conflicting things, first is that i was witnessing the extend of dehumanization that having the extremely heavy weight of “being successful in life” was doing to a kid who just wanted to make things the “right” way, and the second one was that, at least in my opinion, even in those horrible cases of social burnout and the feral need for isolation to balance it out i think one must still think about the time and feelings of other people in one’s life, for example here’s an anecdote that some of you all ready know, when covid happened and i was still reeling back from the pain of feeling unloved and unwanted due to a relationship i was pursuing for a really long time not working out in the end i became friends with someone that would end up becoming my partner for a really short time later that year, that person came to my life speaking words of understanding while also being confused about themselves during a really tough time where i was also in a similar position so understanding was pretty strong between us and in time we ended up developing feelings for one another even thought we where both extremely insecure about it. What i wanted to tell you about is that, not to long into the relationship i would think deeply about ourselves and then i decided to end the relationship due to me still finding feelings in my heart for that other person and i just couldn’t get myself to try and suppress them, of course i ended up hurting that person but even now i still think i did the right thing by not letting it escalate even further, i thought about myself and about how doing that was betraying what i wanted to be and how in reality i just wanted to be alone for a while, and i thought about that other person and about how they didn’t deserve being betrayed like that either even when we started the relationship fully aware of our insecurities about it, i thought about also that maybe what we both needed wasn’t for someone to validate us but instead to at least try to be able to look ourselves in the mirror. So we parted ways.

So i extrapolate that experience i had and i put it in the experience my sister’s ex is having right now and i can’t help to think about him as a coward, even when fazed with the really heavy burden of having made a mistake or with the emerging scary feeling of wanting to be left alone and how maybe that would hurt the people around us i still think we all have the duty to take care of the feelings of people in our lives by being true to our feelings and communicating our desires to others, the feeling of wanting to be left alone or to profess the end of love should be communicated as soon as we are made sure about it, otherwise you are just condemning your loved ones to one of the worst pains there are, the pain of uncertainty.

Thought of the Day

Regret of being and of having been, regret of not being and not having been. Both so clear to the present but so blurry to the past.

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – July 29 2026 – All Summer Long.

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Sorry, overslept a little yesterday and got past my writing schedule once again, lately i’ve been feeling like the free time that i have when i get back home from work is not enough for me to be able to do all of the dumb stuff i usually do, but aside from me having more responsibilities than before since the start of this week i can’t tell you that i’ve been feeling more tired or something, as i said before whenever i hover arround my bed no matter what i’m doing i inevitably end up falling asleep at a moments notice even though i don’t feel tired before getting into bed nor whenever i get out of it, so i started to believe that my bed is haunted by a sleepy spirit that only wants to share it’s happiness with me… at a specific hour ’cause god knows how hard i have it fall asleep after 2 am.

So as i told you before i’ve been typesetting our translation of the first volume of Kisekae Yuka-chan after having translated it almost a year ago and it’s been going… quite slowly? I don’t know if it is because i am not that well versed in the art of putting words on speech bubbles or if it is because of my perfectionist tendencies but i’ve been averaging 4 pages a day and i find that extremely slow. I inevitably end up thinking about the whole scan/translation/typesetting process of well established scanlation groups and i’ve always wonder how the hell can they output entire chapters in just one day, what’s their process like? Are their fingers just that quick or do they have this unbelievably optimal process that has been passed down through centuries spanning generations? I’ve never been in one of those groups but my partner has been (That’s how they learned how to do cleaning and redraws) and somehow i’ve yet to ask her about how the process the scanlation groups she was in where handled. I did ask something last night tho, yesterday i was browsing twitter trying to avoid the new Hunter x Hunter chapter that was just released some days ago and a thread by someone in some scanlation groups came to my feed where they were complaining about how not many people know how laborious the whole redraw job is, they where showing some of Togashi’s admittedly novel like manga pages with it’s respective Pre- and Post- redraws and i was just attonished at not only the ammount of work but also the speed in which it was made so i asked her about how she learned to do redraws, which program was she using and also i asked her to teach me how to do it, meanwhile i was also appreciating the work that goes into having a drawing be completed by someone else other than the author, even though manga is relatively simple compared to some of the old art restoration work/process i’ve seen even since one of our painting teacher at Uni showed us their work in that field (that stuff seems ridiculously difficult to properly pull off).

Putting aside the whole “having another author insert themselves in a work that’s not of their pen” when i think about me having to do that work i kinda start panicking and not knowing what to do, if it was me i would get stuck at a single clothing line wondering and thinking and analyzing how the author would have done it while the author must have probably done it literally a second without thinking about anything at all. Maybe that’s the reason why i’m so slow at typesetting? I don’t really know, but the more i do it the more i actually start REALLY appreciating the people that do this kind of work most days of their lives even when most of it they do completely for free. Whenever i’ve tried something new related to the translation sphere i always end up thinking about how cool these people are and how extremely needed they are for hobbyist to keep on enjoying culture outside of their culture, i’ve talked before about how it think that translators are the only bridges that exist that link each communities respective zeigeists and how without them and their work (That everyone that knows more than one language knows it’s irreplaceable by IA) said emotionaly spiritual bridges would be extremely hard to cross, but today i’ve also made sure of myself that, at least in the manga sphere, it is not only the translator but also the cleaning artist and the typesetter who set the very literal stage and costuming in which words present themselves, making distracting barriers disappear just like how back and ground become one and sets itself in the works. So i give my kudos to everyone that has ever been involved in that.

And even so, i still think learning the language is always better. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thought of the Day

Cool people and cool works, would i ever be able to trail?

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – July 27 2026 – Chiisakunatte Yukuyo.

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There’s this natural and uncleansable need for human beings to constantly fight for everything and at every single time for things that on the wide spectrum of things don’t really matter that much or if they do matter somewhat then it’s solutions or ways to mend are almost never outside of our reach, i recently talked about frustration in the form of me being an idiot and breaking things and then not having enough expertise to make things right and you could consider that a “problem without a solution” but what i’m talking about it’s quite a bit different due to it involving the chaos beings known as humans.

Saturday morning while checking things in our shop i would hear about a “fight” my mother was having our main assistant, seems like she made a dumb mistake and my mother was chewing her up for it, and that would otherwise be a normal day at any job instead for the fact that during the past few weeks she and another employee where making many different mistakes in sequence, things like forgetting to write about the specific color of a furniture in the order paper that they where about to dispatch (They knew by head which one was which, it’s just that the salesperson forgot to write it in and the assistant forgot to check for it being properly written) so my mother chewed them both for it, days before it came to our notice that there had been a problem at the factory with some chairs that came out kinda botched on their first batch (heh) and somehow they passed our Q/A process without anyone noticing just for by miracle someone checking them at the last second before being dispatched and finding the mistake, so they where sent back to the factory, the thing is that my mother was chewing the assistant ’cause of that as well due to it being kind of their job to do some last checks on everything before delivery starts and them not noticing until some other person found it, then later the people at the factory where taking way more time to fix it than usual due to the person in charge of it lacking the expertise of another employee that is currently in sick leave that was supposed to fit it; and the assistant forgot to notify her of that as well so my Mother became pretty mad at her, so they started (peacefully) fighting and then the assistant kind of resigning and leaving mid day…

It’s not the first time this happens with an employee mind you, my mother has a really bad habit of not knowing how to guide people at their job so she ends up being kind of mean during her scoldings, and every single time this happens i always tell her what i think about her methods, for my part i am of the thinking that when mistakes happen and we have problems at our business our first priority should be to find the best and quickest solution available, then we should look for what made us made that mistake and how did it came to be the way it is and just then and only then we should chides/scoldings always with the main goal of “making things better for everyone” mentality, so every time i tell this to my mother she gets lost in the heat of the previous conversation and she starts telling me things like “You don’t know anything about how to handle a business” or “Are you saying that they should just be able to do whatever they want and i can’t say anything to about it?” or “You talk like they (employees) are the owners instead of us” and so we end up bickering about it for quite a while.

What i’ve always wanted her to think is that nothing ever comes from verbally fighting with people, as i said, we should concentrate in making things right first, and with that i’m not saying that mistakes (specially ones that repeat over and over) shouldn’t be pointed out to people but just that the act of reprimanding should follow processes just like everything else, and if it comes to the point of us having to let go of one of our employees then that should also be done with a plan of contingency for the open position that person is leaving behind. At the moment we are without assistant and untangling the mess of having to figure out how one person does their job when instead we should have just followed a favorable procedure for our operations Although i must also say this is fault of the assistant as well, one should not just leave her job like throwing garbage to the trash.

I recently also talked with my partner about something similar that has been happening to her with their mother, seems like whenever they argue about something her mother almost always concentrates in the bickering and the complaining just for then when the moment of exploration of what the problems truly are and when my partner wants to share her mind about their feelings, her mother end up having very little patience with her if she doesn’t immediately identifies what’s wrong for then to say it out loud, so she abruptly ends up the discussion. And that has made me think also about whenever we’ve had our differences and i get icked by whatever insignificant thing and i get to my horrible habit of looking at things to complain that surround the main topic as if i was looking for excuses to keep being tilted. So i wonder if there’s something in us humans that makes us more susceptible to self ignite our anger in search for stability instead of just calming down and looking for it with the unblurred perception of a calm sea. What do you think?

Thought of the Day

Of the memories that my phantoms bring back every time, decisions i took while drunk in rage are the ones i’m most ashamed of. Actions taken while not being oneself may shape your mind and body into something you hate. Always be aware of that.

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – July 23 2026 – f(ake).

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So going back to me being unable to deal with frustration these past few days i’ve been having a bad streak of non-stop “Gotta deal with this to get that but after doing that now this is broken” and so on and it’s been so frustrating to the point of me getting a little irritated, to put you in context even though i’ve nowhere near an expert in nothing at all i know my fair share of things about almost everything there is tho know about, i know about computers (both software and hardware), electrical circuits, wood making, law, teaching and many other things. Knowing all of these to a certain extent has allowed me to help in the family business in many areas that would otherwise need work from some expert on the field that would probably demand their fair pay, for example i installed both the store’s IP cameras and their accompanying DVR (The CAT cable had already been routed for it when we got it from the previous owner so i just installed the mounts on the cieling, established the connections, focused the lenses and set up the network stream), i also set up an Inventory manager with a web client that has cut so much time off the monthly inventory check… that i run, and as you may already know i also run some at home services from our furniture store that involve seeing the viability of complete furniture restorations and it’s many characteristic such as wood color and assessment of structural damage aaaaaand i also do customer service and order/delivering managing and so on and so on… it sounds like i do a lot but in reality most of that work is so simple that i really think anyone can do it, i’m just the only person in the store with enough availability and overall knowledge to do it when our true experts are busy doing whatever.

Anyways what i wanted to tell you about is that recently the DVR on the cameras started to act weirdly, first it started to cut signal from one of the cameras intermittently and then like a week later it reset itself and started to ask for a password for everything other than looking at the cameras (We got the DVR from a previous store from our brand that had closed but it never asked for a password or anything up until now i guess somehow it’s security measures kicked up almost 5 years later????), and so i tried to fix it IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS, i first looked at the usual stuff like default admin passwords and such but when that didn’t work i started to browse github looking for network related solutions but that didn’t work either and so i began to get frustrated and so i went to try and look at the DVR’s internals and so i had to disconnect everything up (That is SUCH A TEDIOUS PROCESS YOU CAN’T EVEN IMAGINE) and after resetting some connections, looking at the health status of the HDD, running some factory reset stuff from the motherboard directly and much more stuff… welp i just couldn’t find a solution and i got so frustrated that i just decided to leave it at that and so i went to connect the IP cameras once again (I swear it is such a tedious process) and lo and behold now one of the cameras doesn’t output video, so i stared thinking about what could have gone wrong and i thought that maybe it was the Balum’s connector that had maybe went bad after i had pulled it out the DVR cause after years of not touching those they get full of dust that makes them really stick to it’s connector and you really need to pull hard on those, so i thought welp maybe i just need to get some new Balums and tadá problem fixed, so next day i go to the local IP camera store, get some, and then go back to install them again aaaaaaaaandddd… it doesn’t work, then i star mixing and matching cables with balums and some of the copper wire on them break and so i have to strip them once again and i end up cutting myself with the cutter andaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa… in the end it didn’t work, so now we have 1 less camera that we once had before and i find it so frustrating because it was basically my fault for messing with the DVR (even though it broke itself). To add up to that recently the mini wifi card of one of our AIO’s went bad and so i tried to fix it by looking at driver stuff that didn’t work of course so i went to look at the hardware and i wasn’t aware of how tedious the disassembly of an AIO was, man those things are full of a mismatch of plastic junctions coupled with like 4 differnt type of screws of which 2 of the i didn’t have the proper driver for and so i went to buy some and then i came back and so i tested the mini wifi card and it was bad and so i went to the city center to look for replacements but nobody had them (It’s a 2016 AIO, of course no one had them) and so i had to settle for a usb wifi dongle that was like 5 more bucks that i had budgeted from looking at replacements online and MAN do things like that frustrate me, not having the proper tools to work on something while also not getting the parts that i need for something just to then having to settle for something worse that the original AHG.

But what frustrates me the most is that due to my lack of deeper knowledge of this stuff i am probably not looking at the easiest and cost effective solution, i know that someone who has more experience than me may look at our troubles and will be able to tell what the best course of action is, and really i don’t mind paying experts to do their thing but when i encounter something so close withing my reach but just a little bit too far for me to properly grab it.. idk… i just start feeling like i may be a little bit too useless for this earth.

Thought of the Day

The worst part of working with networking hardware is the dust that those things gather… and the finger pain from having to press little levers really hard when setting the cables… and cable management… and…