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Diary of Becoming a Princess – April 27 2026 – Stay Home.

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Today my coworker came back from their leave, when i arrived at the store i saw them sitting there in their desk chipping away at the order scheduling and they looked sad but determined to keep on pushing through their pain so i approached them slowly looking from afar with the intention to say some comforting words in regards to what happened… Last Thursday after a long talk with my sister about her relationship and another long talk with my partner about it, well deep into the night i also agreed to talk for a while with one of my current best friends, someone i first got to know through my streams but with who i didn’t really had a real conversation with until like a year later when they asked me for advice with their japanese as they were trying to get a scholarship in japan, we connected in a ton of stuff as not only do we share a lot of interests but also since we’re both extremely sincere people we usually are able to talk without holding anything back which is funny because usually they are really tightly closed to most people (mutual streamer problem i guess), since then we’ve shared a lot together and we both act like each other’s personal unwind buddy even though i also share that with my partner but i feel like as she is such a positive person and she doesn’t really like to dwell in her sad emotions whenever i share those feeling with her i can feel the empathy but not the understanding.

Anyways i was talking to them about what was happening at work and how i felt like i didn’t really know what to say to my coworker. I consider myself a great listener to my loved ones because i really care about what they have to say and i actually put a lot into understanding them as much as i can, i ask a lot of stuff and i ask for explanations on most things in an effort to try to connect their experiences to mine to link at least with the direction of their feelings to mine, but when sad things happen and people need comforting words i am just unable to come up with anything. Whenever i think about what could make someone feel better i end up thinking about what would make me feel better which in turn makes me feel like I’m being egoistic, if i assume that whatever works for me would work for them then i could end up hurting someone somehow. Actually that has already happened a few times and i regret each time it has.

So when i was talking to my friend i brought up some time ago when their grandmother passed and i felt like i couldn’t properly say anything to them, i got scared to say anything and i also felt like whatever i was able to say was never going to be enough to make the weight of the situation at least a little bit lighter so i limited myself to saying “I am here for you, whenever you need me, just tell me and I’ll be there” even thought that has pretty much been the base of our relationship ever since it started. I told my friend that i was sorry for not saying anything better at that time, that i felt that maybe they could have felt that i wasn’t interested in how they felt. Then after hearing me ramble for a while my friend said:

“You are right, at a time like that nothing anyone says is enough to lift you up, but i think just feeling like there’s someone supporting you is enough motivation for after the fact”

So in remembering that when i finally talked to my coworker i said something like “If you needed more time you could have taken it”, and they said “Well, legally i can take about 5 days for things like this”, then i responded “I could have talked to our boss (My mother) about that, people need their time to recover”, they cried a single tear before assuring me that since death comes with so many legal implications she really didn’t really have the time to fall deep into a static state… then i said “Well, i hope you are feeling at least a little bit better now”.

We didn’t really talk much about it after that and genuinely i don’t know if what i said was anything at all, but i hope they feel supported even if just by a tiny little bit.

Also, the fact that their brother died in a violent altercation was merely speculation (My coworker assumed it somehow and told my mother about it) in reality they died of a brain related illness, that doesn’t make it better really, but i feel like one can take even if a tiny spec of solace out of something like that.

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – April 24 2026 – Movies Like Juno.

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Not only have i been mostly unable to sleep lately due to my usual insomnia but also my sister has been beefing with her boyfriend the last 4 weeks and she’s been handling it very badly but it became worse this last Monday due to them having seen each other on Sunday and supposedly “Made up”.

I won’t be getting into the gritty details here because it’s none of my business but the problem comes from her boyfriend needing some space from her and she failing to concede to that, in her eyes if her boyfriend doesn’t reply to her messages in 3 hours or less then he must be deliberately trying to make her feel bad. I’ve talked to her about it, about people needing some space for themselves SPECIALLY when they ask for it but she doesn’t seem to really get it, it’s like her has been black and white for these past few weeks as she thinks that whenever he messages her then that must be that the “give me some space” thing must be null. Both me and our Mother have explained to her that, even though she must state for how much time she will wait for him to want to speak back, that doesn’t mean that if he ever replies to her within that time then that must mean everything is alright now, feelings of annoyance as they are in this case tend to come and go depending on so many factors that the best course of action is to simply maintain the normal relationship until the point they start to show up again and then stop for a while. If he ever speaks or writes to her and they chain a conversation for a while until he decides that he’s had enough for the day then continuously trying to chain back will only result in more annoyance from him.

I don’t find this type of relationship a good one to be honest, i’d rather for her to cut ties with him altogether. Stringing a relationship in the willing of just one of the people in it always results in problems, it’s not only selfish but also immature. But one should think about these actions, feelings and overall situations and consider deeply if one is able to deal with these human flaws everybody has while also weighing one’s own ability to handle them, while i do think relationships should be more about sharing than about giving and taking, giving and taking is also part of sharing.

Well yesterday night my sister kinda broke and started crying while saying that she couldn’t bear it anymore and that she was going to take the car and drive to his home on her own to talk to him (He lives in the city next door and it was 10 PM already) even thought he said he wants some distance, of course i told her to consider what would happen if she appeared in front of him unannounced and started grinding him about her stuff when he clearly stated that he needed some time alone, the only possible answer is for him to get mad. My mother then intervened trying to calm her down but at some point she took her stance and said something like “Well, i do think you should go and ask him to decide if he wants to continue being with you, even if you are way to pushy if he doesn’t want you around then he should just break up with you”. I find that line of thinking extremely toxic so i said “He is kind of an asshole for roping you like that but he was sincere and told you to give him time, you should respect that at least”, and of course they both got kinda mad at me only because i refused to take my sister’s side, in my eyes both of them were being immature and not respecting each other but i guess it’s natural for my Mother to defend her daughter and of course my Sister would feel in her right to defend her actions. After arguing for a while i agreed to take her to his home only to not make myself the villain, i hate when that happens, as my father doesn’t really gets involved in these types of conversations and my Mother almost always taker her side i always end up like the bad guy, just because i don’t want to support what i see as a mistake from her part that doesn’t mean I’m actively trying to hurt her nor i’m saying that i’m not supporting her in her grievance.

So we ended up going, he ended up showing and they ended up fighting.

Random Thought of The Day

“If death would be as ephemeral as life, then experiences wouldn’t be worth so much.
Act and live, Learn and die”

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – April 22 2026 – Mu.

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Nothing much to share today, a friend on Monday a friend of mine called me on discord to discuss what was the best method to bake a pie because last weekend he went to a peach plantation to pick some peaches and came back with like 3 kilos worth of them, they shared their recipe for the filling but they didn’t mention anything about the crust which was kinda weird since they were asking for baking methods well the most important part of that process is the crust as depending on the amount to flour and butter it has and depending on which type of pie you are baking it tends to stick a little bit to the cast since you bake the crust first with some baking weights in it, they said they were baking it in a skillet and that the and since i’ve never (just once during covid) baked anything in a skillet i assumed that maybe the weights could cause the crust to stick since as opposed to an oven heat from the skillet comes mainly from bellow, so i just told them to use parchment paper if they felt it would stick even a little bit.

For someone that did 3 years of patisserie i don’t actually remember really well what was the last sweet i made. I mean it was probably Ichigo Daifuku the last time we had some leftover adzuki beans at Hikarien (The place where i teached at), we had that alongside some kaki and mugicha what a weird combination… and now that i think about it it was the perfect 三色 traditional style, that’s hilarious.

So, my friend sent sent me a photo of the finished pie alongside with the caption “R8 My π”, then they proceed me to tell me the crust had a lot of butter and then he linked me the recipe… dude, you should have told me that first.

Anyways now that i’m thinking about sweets i got reminded that last year i discovered one of my favourites pieces of fiction that i’ve read in a long time, the Shoshimin Series, a series of novels with the premise of “What if the archetypical Detective type character was actively looking out for misteries to solve instead of kinda stumbling into them”. There’s a lot i want to say about the series but what i wanted to bring out now was that one of the main characters, Osanai Yuki, is an extreme sweets fanatic, she goes around her town looking for sweets shops she has never visited and catalogues by their favorites in a kind of “collectable” way, i kinda did that for a while too hahaha you may have seen it some years ago if you follow me on twitter, anyways, on one of the last scenes in the 4th book during the aftermath of the main event of book 3 and 4 while the two main protagonist of the series thoroughly analyze their behavior and the nature of their relationship (a ton of stuff happens, sorry if you don’t understand) they arrive at a sweets shop that has, as the title of the saga says “Autum Exclusive Kuri Kinton”, after tasting said Kuri Kinton and being enamored by it and then looking at main protagonist Kobato still barely touching his, Osanai says something like this:

“Kobato-kun, do you know how kuri kinton is made?”

Kobato thinks about it briefly and tells her an pretty reasonable answer, and then she responds

“For this, boiled chestnuts are pureed, then mixed with sugar and cooked over low heat. Then, with only the water content extracted from the chestnuts as a binding agent, it is squeezed with a tea cloth. Simple, isn’t it?”

Kobato agrees with her that the recipe sounds simple but then she asks again

“So, do you know how marron glacé is made?”

He doesn’t even know what marron glace is, but Osanai still explains

“You boil the chestnut, peel it, then soak it in syrup. You’ll get a sugary membrane surrounding the chestnut. Next, you need to soak it in a slightly thicker syrup. With this, you get another sugary membrane on top of the first sugary membrane. Then you soak it again in another slightly thicker syrup, forming another membrane… You repeat this again and again.”

“Actually, that outer sugary membrane isn’t important. It’s just sugar, after all. But while making that membrane…”

Then they look at each other for a brief moment and she closes with:

“At some time during that process, the chestnut itself becomes sweet.”

The first time i read that i had to take a really long pause just to swallow the meaning of those words, i think it mainly presents the difference in how a relationship changes someone, even though both recipe’s main ingredient is chestnut and both try to make chestnuts sweeter the way to achieve that sweetness is so intrinsically different that the end result can be expressed even as a difference in culture (a Japanese recipe vs a French recipe), while the Kuri kinton recipe strives to change the flavour of chestnuts by working with the ingredient in itself with as little additives as possible, the Marron glacé recipe imposes sweetness in the chestnut almost by force. As i mirror this in the process of relationships i see how some of them aim to complement and elevate the inner self intrinsically while other relationships change ourselves via a process of repeated experiences. Still no matter recipe you choose, be it for relationships or chestnuts, the main goal is to make them sweeter.

I want to try and make both Kuri Kinton and Marron Glacé, shame they both need chestnuts and they don’t grow here in my country.

Thought of the Day

“Which one do you prefer?”

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – April 21 2026 – Storywriter.

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Nothing to say today, i’ts been a long day mainly because i’ve had to cover for my coworker’s leave (and will continue do so for the next 2 weeks) and i didn’t get much sleep last night mainly because i was thinking about many things related to death.

In the morning when i woke up i felt like my mind was trying to recall something that had happened recently related to the death of someone, i assumed it was about the anniversary of my grandfather’s death but i had already sorted most of my feelings about that in that ceremony we had and in the diary entry i wrote so i kept thinking about it with no avail until later while i was managing orders and answering messages when i suddenly remembered a really sad thing that happened last December when i was waiting for my connection at 4 am inside Santiago de Chile’s main airport, usually when i take long flights i actually use the time to think about things i want to resolve inside my head and i also try to sort out my feelings about different topics that have recently crossed my mind, these long 6 hour flights from my town to Santiago are usually scheduled during night-time and as most people aren’t attracted to the night-time scenary like myself i find that the relative silence and airplane background noise make great company, plus the stewards will actually offer you your meal regardless of the time so you get to have a pretty peaceful meal while in the mostly dead silence of the air. Welp this time i thought that i would use that silence to read some auto-bio manga with the idea that the silence combined with the unorthodox context would allow for some pretty interesting introspection so i ended up reading through Hilnama-sensei’s “I’m a Terminal Cancer patient, but i’m fine”, a biopic about Ero-BL artist Hilnama and her long struggle with what she thought were period crams that later would be revealed to be stage 4 colon cancer.

While reading i remember being amazed at how similar our experiences with medical treatment regarding the digestive system as the pattern of brushing it of as something else, it getting worse and worse until you helplessly end up going to the doctor and having the worst time of your live in the ER just to wake up next day exhausted and being told that you have to take like 9 billion exams just to be sure you’re not dying right away is deeply instilled in me ever since i had that stomach ulcer i told you all about, and since up until the medical exams the processes both me and her had to go through (mainly the Endoscopy part) are almost exactly the same i was able to really connect to her and her thoughts and feelings about the medical procedures and medical workforce, i just didn’t expect for it all to be so similar, and i mean i know those are probably international medical standards but as most of what she writes about her process was exactly the same as mine i got really surprised. Maybe i’m underestimating Colombian medicine a little bit too much.

By the time i was finishing up the last 5 pages of her manga, while already in Chile sitting down at the airport bridge while looking at a mountain just past one of the main runways i would think about my own death, mainly about what would people remember me by when i inevitably go away, but also about how maybe if i someday write about the many things in my life and publish it would someone on this world connect with my experiences the way i did with Hilnama-sensei? I would wonder about what other stories would i and many others connect with if they where expressed in a easy to get into medium like manga.

The manga ends on a positive note about how Hilnama-sensei, who although undeniably changed to the core by her illness was recovering from her chemotherapy and was now almost cancer free for most of her time writing the manga. In the midst of the happy ending i would search for her name online looking to read more about her BL manga to see what she usually wrote about and i would end up in a wiki where most of her works where listed, and in reading i would find out that she had died 2 years ago.

I looked out glass window into the runway, between the silence engulfing the mountain and the rising sun in the morning sky, and I took this photo.

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – April 20 2026 – I was not here.

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Today a family member of one of my coworkers was killed in a violent altercation, i don’t know any details other than that and it really is none of my business to comment on it here so i don’t really want to write much about it but it inevitably reminded me of something that happened almost 9 years ago at a time when i was consumed by self hatred and became a hiki.

I’ve told this story many times on stream so i don’t really know if I’ve already written about it in this diary plus my thoughts are a jumbled mess anyways so forgive me if you’ve already read about this. After finding out about my gender dysphoria, product of having been raised in an all boys school and being thrown into a university art course where 2 out of 25 students where cis male, the mixture of being confused by my feelings about my body and my chronic self-worth issues made me abandon the course pretty early into it and the shame of being seen at all plus the naturally harsh way latino culture deals with mental health issues (that although in good faith, is deeply hurtful) made me seek refuge in the only place i thought was safe from any judging eye, my bedroom. I didn’t really talk with anyone for almost 3 months and i only went out to eat sometimes (later i would go into the paper/water diet that almost killed me that i talked about before) While in there, still fighting mirages of my own making, one of the only people outside of my inner family circle that came to help me was my uncle who at the time had an “art studio” where he sold home-deco stuff alongside home-deco related artwork, he proposed that i went to his studio and tried making some art in some sort of therapy type of thing that maybe he could sell for me to have some sort of indirect self worth. Seeing as my family was getting desperate to get me out of my room i obliged and went to his studio for about a week. There i met one of his sons whom which i share memories of being really good friends alongside his brother when i was a child but we had inevitably fallen apart due to them being 3 years older than me and them reaching puberty and you know how it is in at that age.

Thing is i never saw his brother at the studio, someone which who i spent way more time growing up as we where pretty close friends for a time, although he was a kind of a bully i still had great memories of us going to family trips together, sharing a bedroom and laughing at dumb jokes all night, playing video games together and riding on horses alongside my uncle when we had the opportunity to go to the family country house, i remember this one time he fought me for i girl i had no interest in and she later rejected him, that’s pretty funny. Anyways i asked my uncle about him and he told me he was working with him in the studio but as he had no interest in art he was doing management related work so i couldn’t meet him during the short time i was there, after a week the urge to escape from the shame of being seen at all and not being able to produce any worth while artwork i ended up locking myself up again and i don’t know how much time passed after that but at a later i would hear form my parents that my cousin, the person that i was close friends with, had died when an thief tried to steal his cellphone, then a few days later my uncle would once again to knock on my bedroom door asking me to come to his funeral as he knew we used to be close friends and that we weren’t able to meet while i was at the studio… i said no, i just couldn’t get myself to go out of my room no matter what, i don’t really remember what i was thinking at that exact time but i know my aversion to being seen by people who knew what i was going through and that would surely think badly about me and my life choices and that would surely compare me to the person that had just died was so unbearable that i couldn’t even fathom leaving my room, so i stayed, so my uncle would try to convince me to go out, but so i stayed.

I deeply regret my what i did that day, being controlled by fear, anxiety and shame is not an excuse for being inconsiderate, and although i now understand that a mistake of that magnitude was bound to happen given the moment that i was in i could have been kinder to my uncle, i could have been kinder to his son.

To this day i still haven’t gone to the place he is now resting in, a mixture of shame and respect crosses my body whenever i think about it, but i know that if i ever want to let go of that shame my only option is to go and have a clear and honest conversation with both him, and myself.

No random thought of the day.

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – April 18 2026 – Toberu Hane ga Nakutemo Koe ga Denakunatte mo.

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Deciding about what i should write about for this diary has always been a weird process to me, most of the time i write about whatever comes to my head while i’m writing the “Diary of becoming a Princess – (date)” part of the title, the actual title of the entry comes at the end when i look back at what i wrote and think about a song title/lyrics that matches the feeling. Other times i write about inconclusive ideas that have been circling my mind for a while or my thoughts about concepts i don’t really get to talk about in my twitter (because of character limit) or with my friends/partner mainly because i need a lot of time to think deeply about stuff, while deep analysis and introspection comes to me naturally as it does to most depressed people (i think it comes free with the whole “neurodivergent” package as well) i often find it kind of difficult to express it in spoken language as most of the time i am unable to find the right words to articulate what i want to say, let alone properly transmitting feelings and meanings in what i express. Somehow whenever i talk about my thoughts with other people i end up unsatisfied at the result, wondering if what i wanted to say was actually transmitted as i wanted to say it, most of time time i don’t think so.

Now writing is a whole other different process as somehow it actually depends on the platform i’m writing in, for example back when i was writing scripts for my youtube videos i actually really liked the way my thoughts flowed towards my main thesis while always being original in what i wanted to say, although i can’t really watch those videos now because i get overwhelmed by the inescapable “i did this when i was a teenager” cringe in retrospect i think they are really good. I remember this one time when a youtuber that was part of this half-snobbish ota circle watched my video about Asano Inio’s art (background) in one of their streams and they said “Damn this is really good, this type of manga art analysis is actually what i wished other latam youtubers did”, that kind of the first time i thought my ideas where transmitted just the way i wanted them to, it felt good.

Aside from that my other writing comes as conceptual poetry like the short bot title project i had a while ago, this diary which i write kind of in the moment and my short analysis on stuff on twitter, that last one i want to talk about a little bit so bear with me. Somehow whenever i write about something in twitter i get this horrible horrible urge to codify everything i say, i really don’t know why but i can’t help but to talk in coded language, it’s like a weird mixture of poetic metaphors and extreme shortening due to the character limit that makes them kind of undecipherable? or at least that’s what i think whenever i read them, like “man is like reading the raw data in my head” and i think most of the reason for that is that back when twitter was called twitter often when you mentioned something about some obscure topic some random person that didn’t followed me responded to the tweet with whatever they thought about the topic and as i am deeply terrified by randoms appearing out of nowhere to talk to me i stared coding the name of whatever i was talking about and i guess that kept evolving into the way it is now? Idk, analyzing one’s writing is so difficult. I just want to express what i feel and have people actually understand.

Random Thought of the Day

When i stared writing this entry i intended it to be an anecdote of the time i got to know Sebastian Masuda (Kyary’s early art director) buuut welp, it turned out differently, i guess i’ll owe you that for later.

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – April 16 2026 – Kura Kura Getting Fragile.

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Out of all things i have a really bad relationship with (And believe me, there’s a lot of them) i think one of the worst is my relationship with frustration, i think it goes hand in hand with my thoughts about the process of failure and success. If you are kind of familiar with the world of art i ask you to recall that frequent artist meme where the artist draws a line over their sketch and then proceeds to ctrl-z it because they weren’t happy with it just to try it again and then failing again and then try it again and repeat ad infinitum. Im basically that with each and every single one of my processes.

Whenever i get frustrated because i can’t seem to do something or i’m failing to do something properly my mind locks itself up on and infinite focus until i’m able to do it or my body gives up, even if i leave things to the side to “refresh myself” i can only think about what i was doing and what i could do to do it better, if you’ve followed me for a while you’ll remember when i used to stream my art on twitch and how i literally spent hours and hours adding extremely minute details to my stuff that didn’t actually made the art better and most of the time the finished product was mediocre anyways, my friends know me as the person you have to remind to eat lunch and dinner because i literally don’t feel hunger when i’m concentrating. That last thing was part of the reason i had a nutrition crisis some years ago, although i would blame my gender dysphoria more than my hyperfocus i still think eating mostly ice and paper to not feel hunger during my depression cycles are a clear symptom of both. Anyways I used to think that the reason i did that was because i had a really weird sense of “value of time”, and what i mean is that i used to think i had to use every single second of my creative time in order to make something worthwhile so i often tossed aside any thought of anything not related to what i was doing, often this way of thinking/feeling got stronger whenever i was feeling frustrated at something, like i couldn’t do something in my first time i needed to think/act twice as hard as i did the first time and when that failed well i just had to try again trice as hard, a clear endless loop. I still think that way btw, it’s just that today i actually understand that i have to at least take a little care of myself sometimes.

At the beginning of the year i took some advice from one of my parents friends and started taking professional help regarding my neuro-divergency, some time ago back when “Aspergers” was a medical term my trusted psychologist told me that i was probably around that zone of the autism spectrum, we analyzed my tendencies and many of my social characteristics and came to that conclusion and at the time i didn’t really care about it, i thought that whatever was going on inside my brain wasn’t going to become a reason to excuse my mediocrity and overall lack of ability to succeed, now with this new study that i had we came to a similar conclusion about my cognitive processes, same overall classification just with a different name, so nothing really changed. And to be honest with you i don’t think it’ll ever change, my core is one of a defective human and i don’t think any amount of time or diagnoses will make me think any different.

Random Thought of the Day

The flaws and virtues i dream for

evaporating in the heat of self hatred

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – April 15 2026 – Get on Up.

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I’ve used wordpress for most of my personal stuff ever since blogspot stopped being cool and while i like the simplicity that it brings to the blogposting table i think i’m almost ready to move on from it (and switch to neocities). The main reason is that i’ve got other projects i want to post online other than my song translations and diary, most of them are related to translation but in a way they are more like “art” type projects, i really don’t know how to describe them really. Anyways, WordPress is limiting me in just the perfect amount of stuff that i want to do with the “blog posting” “art” medium, like for example if you didn’t already know every single one of my diary entries is named after the lyrics (or sometimes titles) of music i like, so i thought about making the page automatically start playing the song when someone reads it, with a player interface that would let you just mute the song if you don’t want to listen to it because of course that would get annoying real fast for someone just trying to read through my stuff but i at least want to try and do that and i don’t really think this platform allows me to do that.

You know what? I’ll actually share a little bit of the project i mentioned in twitter last december that i said i would have completed in no time, i actually completed the main gist of it with only having the tangential stuff as pending, the project is a translation of the Pokédex from English/Japanese to Spanish, and i don’t mean the info that appears about all Pokémon but rather their names.

If you somehow didn’t know this Pokémon names are portmanteau of words related to their specific characteristics, for example the name Pikachu is a portmanteu of the onomatopoeia Pikapika meaning “Sparkly” and the sound Japanese people say mice do: “Chuu”. Well for the English translation most Pokémon have had their name translated from their Japanese names but for many other languages they actually didn’t translated them at all and just stuck to the English translations, i remember being a kid that only spoke Spanish thinking that all of their names were really weird and being amazed at how many of those weird names there where, and then as i learned English one day everything just clicked and i understood what they meant. Well i think kids whose mother language is Spanish deserve to have the full view of what this goofy franchise is, i find it really fun and i think it may spark that “something” into a kid one day the same it did with me all those years ago.

So when Pokemon legends ZA came out and i tried it (and actually liked it, contrary to my thoughts about the franchise ever since X and Y) and i saw that changing the creatures names was now easier than ever i gave it a go and ended up translating the entire ZA pokedex. Man i can’t tell you how much fun it was to investigate about each creature’s name etymolgy, both in english and Japanese since i based my translations of off both alternating between the language that i thought had the best meaning and described the creature better, finding about their real world counterparts and species, trying to keep some wordplay intact and figuring out how i could insert my own wordplay into their names, man i just haven’t had that fun with a project like this in years, i think i love translation work… damn i should have majored in it… So, i planned to compile every single change i made to their names alongside a brief explanation for the translation, wordplay, etymology and since ZA has a free camera feature, a selfie style photo just to make it a little bit more fun (This last part is the reason the project is taking a bit too long), and put it into a public google doc for everyone to see…but man google docs are just too boring, so i thought about just making a website shaped like if i was actually a character in the game documenting their finds, and because of that i think neocities is a better platform for me now, it’s just that i actually need to document myself up in order to move to it…

I’ll leave the link to the Doc over here in case anyone is curious about it, i don’t want to reveal it to the _wide_ public yet but i’ll post it here cause i know almost no one reads this anyways, have fun reading!

Also, here’s one of my favorites. The pic came out really good 🙂

Random though of the Day

I don’t know if calling what it do “Art projects” is good, makes me sound a bit pretentious

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – April 14 2026 – We are all afraid of that long road.

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You might have thought that i had already abandoned this diary after 5 days of continuous writing but nope, i just skipped writing it during the weekend mainly because on Friday i didn’t actually slept at all (by friday i mean friday-saturday, so i didn’t slept friday night and saturday all day), it kinda reminded me of when i was teaching at that japanese language school, i mainly teached on Saturdays and for the life of me i couldn’t sleep no matter how hard i tried. I was so anxious about not making any mistakes in my japanese, about the quality of the very detailed presentations i had prepared for the week and about the quality of the classwork, i worried about not boring the children i teached with uninteresting japan info that they didn’t care about, i tried to make it as easy as understand as possible and with subject matters that they clearly understood in their mother tongue so that they didn’t get lost, in retrospect i think i did a really good job considering that the 教案 they gave me was basically empty, still, at the time i thought that my plans where full of wholes and badly shapen lectures and uninteresting topics, so in worrying about all of that my eyes just wouldn’t shut off.

Worse of all i would have to get out of bed really early (5 AM) because i live and hour and a half away from the school and i had to go by public transit so i needed every single minute of my life to not be late… ironically i would often be the first teacher to arrive and i would often turn the school lights on, organize our desks before our morning assembly and sift through all of the material available to see if i would find something interesting to use during my lessons. One thing that i would always be proud of is that in the teacher’s office i found a 2 sets of shogi, one little and magnetic and the other a hand painted one, i organized them in some available tables in the library and read the rules again to remind myself about some specific things about Shogi that i didn’t really remember (I used to play Shogi against a PC every time my crappy internet died back i was 13 and ISP’s were really bad here in Colombia), i did that because during recess the kids often gathered in the library to look at the japanese manga we had in there so i thought maybe i could lure some of the kids with this weird and mystical “Japanese chess”.

Turns out i did actually lured 5 kids into it, i explained the rules and after some practice matches between them where i pointed out the proper way to play the game they actually stared playing real matches! Figured me surprised when one kid figured out that opening up the bishop was the best move during the beginning of the game! Man, kids are amazing when they are actually interesting in something, they learn so fast. I teached them most of the stuff i knew except for one thing…endgame, man, endgames in Shogi are so difficult to figure out. You have to be aware of all of the pieces in the board as well as they ones you and your opponent have taken over the course of the game, plus they can just be placed anywhere on the board where there’s an open space, it basically comes down to who can build the most defensive offense the fastest, you need to plan at least 2 moves ahead for anything to stick which is the reason i find Shogi so fun but it makes the game basically unintelligible for someone looking on.

It takes the position of a teacher to actually know just how brilliant and stupid kids are at the same time, when they are actually interested in the topic the information they absorb does not go away no matter how much time passes but when they feel just a little bit bored nothing sticks to their brain, so a teacher’s job should be recognizing not only what sticks and what not but rather why it sticks and why it doesn’t stick, the problem is that when you have to do that not for one kid but rather 13 of them over the course of 3 hours well… it’s just impossible. Thinking about that makes me wish for the “pupil” system the Romans had, just 2 or 3 students that stayed close to their teacher, the perfect number for lessons to be actually fruitful and just enough to be able to recognize the failure points and work on them deeply.

…

Don’t think i actually like to teach, i just like the idea of it.

Random Thought of the Day

Just like a kid i started writing about something and then pivoted to something else, damn…

…

♫Just like kids, we are late and our homes far away ♫

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Diary of Becoming a Princess – April 11 2026 – Shiawase wa doko demo ii.

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J-Indies Discord compilation number 3 came out like a month ago and i haven’t listened to it yet so maybe for today’s entry i’ll try making a written “impressions” of it as i check the songs out. I participated in the previous two ones as the artist for the cover art. For the first one the people participating were supposed to only draw a little doodle so the compilation had some visual aspect to it but i ended up drawing a full cover with both of my original character mascots making music, people in the Discord liked it and the compilation organizer later decided on the title, that’s the reason the title and the art don’t really go with each other hahaha, the album references i decided based on music i thought i only liked but then figured that a lot of people where into them in the discord.

Cover art for the J-Indies Discord compilation Album Number 1:

Lucky Number 7

For Compilation Number Two i actually talked with the organizer beforehand and proposed 2 different covers that i wanted to make, we didn’t really have a title yet so i went with band related imagery for the sketches.

The first one used my animal mascot type style because i thought it would go nicely right beside the first one as there were talks about a limited edition print of both Comp 1 and Comp 2 so i wanted them to have a defined visual style, the other one i drew with the “Discord” theme in mind, making emphasis in the global aspect of it, i purposely left Japan out of the map ’cause this compilation was supposed to be our “Gift” to the japanese music we love from people outside of it but to be honest with you i like the first one better, it has more energy and it actually feels like snippet of some indie animal crossing live concert, with the different species of animals representing the different nationalities… but the organizer liked the second one better so we stuck with it.

Cover art for the J-Indies Discord compilation Album Number 2:

International J-Indies Underground

I didn’t participate in the 3rd comp tho, work related things and my creative slump made me think i was gonna delay the release if i participated so i was just an spectator on this one, Goomz of the discord server drew many different album cover proposals and i loved every single of them although they didn’t use my favourite one, seems like MoboroshiAtaru (Organizer) and I have really different ideas for these compilations hahaha …Okay enough about me let’s get to listenin’ and reviewenin’, i’ll leave the link to the Comp over here if you wanna listen to it “alongside” me:

Track 1: Judgement – Sonic Chick:

Amazing, the dissonant tones, mellow guitar in the lower part of the mix and the vocalist it all makes it sound like a never released Of Montreal song, couple that with some really funny lyrics and you’ve got a banger, it’s a really simple song but it sounds so fun to play.

Track 2: Grow-Up – Yostsu:

2000’s styled shibuya-kei with early Yasutaka Nakata trappings, pico sounds build up with a really latino-esque rhythm as many other synths join the conversation, even a vocoder voice comes to the mix, eclectic sounds without much relation converge for a really familiar but still special song.

Track 3: Neutral Blue ft. Kasane Teto (w- antgeth) – The Standees

Another banger, i really like Teto’s voice when it’s used in songs like this one specially when is combined with the traveling band sound. The percussion and cymbals are as much of a protagonists as the harmonica while the piano takes a back seat, it feels old school but really modern at the same time, I just love this Twee Pop style.

Track 4: Chekhov’s Gun – Sonic Chick

Completely different style to the others but still amazing, I’ve always wonder how are vocalists able to do that extremely grieving style of singing (same for Stomach Book, like how do y’all sound so good?), heavy sounding, heavy feeling, heavy banging, reminded me a little bit of Hikarunagisa. Never expected a Yugioh head to make good music tho, heh.

Track 5: pay attention to me! – star★surf

OOOOOOOOHHHH OLDSTYLE PICOPOP, YES, I LOVE THIS ONE, the samples and coordination of eclectic sounds mix is so well done, the vocalist sounds pretty cute and in the deepest part of the mix i can make out some S.F Sound Furniture inspired tones, the piano is also styled after that era of music, damn this song might as well have came out of that album! I really loved this one, what a nice surprise!

Track 6: a message song – star★surf

Oh damn I’m in love with this vocalist, what a nice voice, the style is definitely whisper voice but their intonation is a little bit stronger on the high notes making it sound really different to what one would expect from it, the composition is really funky and chair dance-able still on the early pico-nakata style with mario samples, really fun song, loved it though i have tiny little complaint, i don’t know if the vocalist is actually japanese? their pronunciation is really on point except for the “Boku kara no messaji” it’s supossed to be “Boku kara no Messeeji”, maybe it’s a lyrics thing? idk.

Track 7: はっぴいえんでぃんぐ – Taiga Lain

Picopop in the real meaning of the genre, synths reminiscent of the early 8-16 bit video game consoles but very calming in its nature, i love the metronome style bit in the composition, it reminded me a lot of my favorite pico style composer Wool Pool specially at the very end, truly a Happy Ending.

Track 8: MIND – Thom X.

This compilation has been blessed with really good uses of sampling, i like the dance-able somber tone of this song as it reminds me of what Yuppa was doing in her depressed era and i feel this song would be perfect for one of those RPGmaker style projects, hope to listen more stuff from this artist in the future.

Track 9: どこでもいい – JJ

Man i just love the aggresive sliding on that guitar add to that the gaijin pronuntiation they really adds a ton personality to the song, feels like something really emotionally open, expressive in the same way you would write a song for a loved one. 幸せは本当にどこでもあるんだよね、きっと見つけるのさ。

Wow, this one was the best compilation we’ve had yet, they all have been full of expressive artist with really good ideas but this one feels like the first one to actually sound like a compilation of J-Indies inspired music and i applaud all of the artist for that… i kinda regret not participating on it now (╥﹏╥).

Random Thought of the Day

You’ll DEFINITELY see me on the next one.